T’is the night after #Christmas and all thru the house, the dishes are done, need a Tide stick for my blouse 👚 . . .
The soggy towels are flung over the chair without care, I’m picking fruitcake and berries out of my hair 🤷🏼♀️ . . .
The cats are full o’ catnip 🌿 and with magazine in my lap, I had just settled down for a post-Christmas cr*p 🚽. . .
When out in the kitchen there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the toilet 🚽 to see 👀 what was the matter . . .
And what to my wondering eyes 👀should appear? Holy cow 🐄 it was none other than Leonardo DiCatrio 😼 drinking a beer! 🍺
Away to the fridge I flew like a flash, he ran and hid as I discovered his #cat stash . . .
With the glow from the fridge on his brew’s frosty froth, his nose twinkled all black – Oh no! My #cat has gone #goth ! 💀
A little over 6, still lively and slick, I knew in a moment he must have been possessed by Satan 👿 – that’s sick 😷 . . .
Faster than a hot minute ⏱ his brother Merlin bounded, he looked at his sibling completely astounded 🙀 . . .
He meowed and he hissed as Merlin called them out by name: @Heineken @budweiserusa domestic #IPAs 🍻
To the top of the table and then to the wall, Leonardo DiCatrio did tumble and fall . . .
As dry heaves set in, puking 🤢 as only cool cats 😽 can do, this beer-buzzed #feline was high on the nip 🌿 too . . .
Almost tinkling in my panties 👙, I heard his paws scratch the floor, to the realization my kitty had gone goth ☠️ and partied galore 🤨
As I drew a deep breath trying to rid him of a wild #demon 👹 , my #cat possessed seemed illogical – without reason 🤔 . . .
Dressed in a tuxedo from his head to his foot, his fur was all tarnished with ashes and soot 🕴🏻. . .
With a bottle of beer 🍺 in his hooligan cat grasp, he raised it to his pursed kitty lips and grinned as I gasped! 😱
With eyes glassy and soulless, his #cat stare was scary, I knew in a heartbeat 💗 I had to pray 🙏 to Mary . . .
His feline fangs 😾 sticking out like tiny knives 🔪, all the gnashing & thrashing was giving me hives!
Leonardo was trippin’ – his tail thumping – legs hoppin’ – I swear on my life it was a scene Straight Outta #Compton 🚔🎥
The #devil 😈 had taken ahold of my #cat 🐱 the day after #Christmas 🎄What the hell is up with that?! 🤔
I called out for help 🆘 to get rid of the feline demon 👹 , as he twisted his head around like Linda Blair in The Exorcist – I was screamin’! 😫🤪
When out popped a beer-laden #furball – all green like pea soup. I had to refocus myself, run back and finish my poop 💩
The room went all crazy. It was hazy and stuff. Confident I released Leonardo from the demon, I finally finished MY “stuff” . . .
And when I re-entered the kitchen there was no #beer 🍺 or #cat 🐱 in sight 👀 . . .
Leonardo DiCatrio was sleeping 💤 it off, Holy hell 🔥 what a night! 🌛
The End (maybe)